I try to live a balanced life in all regards. I’m only twenty-one-years-old though so it’s easier said than done. A couple of days where I work enough see me ditching waking up early to workout. Some days where I do everything right leave me with no time for any leisure. I still make it an effort to balance days out.
However, as most of my friends know, most of my problems always seem to stem from and in my personal life. This post is about (as titled) a simple question. This simple question kind of solved roughly all inner conflicts I’ve had for a while.
If you follow this blog, you’d know I went through a pretty bad time last year, relationship-wise. In fact, it began around this time last year and didn’t end until early January.
Chaotic times bring rants and rants bring friends who are tired of hearing the same story irrespective of how much they love you.
As much as I hate to be that guy, I too am guilty of being on a constant whine-train of how devastating heartbreaks can be and how it is so difficult to move on. As I said, I’m only twenty-one and not as good at this stuff as good I am with managing my finances, which I was also bad at initially.
You win some, you lose some. You learn, you win some more.
Enter The Question
Anyway, the other day I was out with another rant around similar subjects when a friend suddenly threw a random question at me.
So, what are you going to do about it?
Now, this is where I didn’t have much to say. To be honest, I was the only one who was well-versed in my situation which I won’t dive into the details of just yet. However, it involves going around a lot of dates, never really feeling the vibe, and being stuck in a constant cycle of things.
That is not the only problem though. I often over-prioritise people to the point of idolising them. Then, disappointment enters because it’s quite apparent and later, I regret the over-prioritising part.
Yeah, it’s drama and not like the AJR song. It’s more of some sad soap-opera stupidity. It was, hopefully.
Faced with that question, I didn’t have an answer because that’s what we do. We rant about our problems which is fine when said issues appear. Then, when it comes to action and trying to fix those problems, we don’t do it. We never set out to break our patterns. We never really try to find what it is that goes wrong.
There’s no learning and subsequent fixing. There’s only the rant.
But What Does It Do?
I think this is where most people don’t realise the power that question holds. It shifts your mindset from blaming things to retaking control.
This question makes you separate real issues from faux problems. Faux problems are those problems which start to seem huge because you spend a lot of time talking about them. It’s not a term. I made it up, but it fits and works for me.
If you had just let them go and pass by as unfortunate events, you wouldn’t be in a self-loathing mess in the first place.
When you stop blaming, and when you take control, you start looking at the possible solutions. Talking about problems is essential. It is the loop that’s where most of us get stuck though. We can’t talk about the same things for years and not try to fix them.
In fact, when you ask yourself the question, “Okay, so what am I going to do about this?” you start responding to the situation.
Things stop happening to you, and instead
This whole shift in the paradigm makes you realise that half of those issues are just feedback loops, while some of them are concessional if you change the way you look at things and the last lot, which has actual problems can be solved if you work at them like they are problems.
Lately, I’ve Felt Lighter
I’ve felt light because I did the exact three things mentioned in the previous paragraph. I broke the feedback loops by breaking my patterns. I changed the way I looked at certain things, and they just fixed themselves. The last set is where I’m focusing most of my attention to now.
It’s funny how just one slightly angry but inquisitive retort from a loved one can fix your issues, or get you on the track to solving them, at least.
Does this work for you? How do you solve the never-ending batch of personal problems, if you get stuck in them? Let it all out in the comments below.