This is a response post to Vinayak Sinha’s post titled, Twenty Seconds of Insane Courage which first appeared on his blog, Doubt Everything. Check it out for some amazing and fresh perspective.
I had decided on a topic (fear and change) but the title, the quote he used and the overall idea seemed to link with what I had to tell. Also, I felt it would be cool to do a response post. I haven’t done these ever and starting with a friend’s blog seemed fitting.
Until the winter of 2014, I was afraid of change. Deepansh Khurana was famous for being unable to change things. That reputation still precedes me. Everything should be exactly the same, every single day or it’s the next cataclysm. But it is still quite different now from what it used to be. Yes, there is a system to whatever I do because it works but I am not as afraid of change as I once was.
Turns out, all you really need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Two years ago, I made some major changes in my life and the overall way I perceived things almost spontaneously. Since then, there have been moments where I challenge myself and make a change. This change may be something minor or major. It might or might not affect my life deeply. However, it gets me one step forward in resolving that internal conflict I’ve had for years.
Haircuts. I’ve had the same haircut for years. Until that one moment when I did not. Haircuts and changing looks are fairly normal to you, a general, well-adjusted human being. For some of us however, changing something that hasn’t changed for years is a tough task. It is a call. One you make when you sit in the thinking position with your hands together, body bent as you sit on the bench and evaluate… for twenty seconds.
I walked out of my usual hairdresser’s in Sector-18, Noida. It was a more erroneous version of my usual haircut. An internal conflict brewed inside me as the barista brewed my coffee in that coffee machine. I had breakfast. My usual cup of cappuccino with a smoked chicken sandwich. Same as every time I get a haircut.
Somehow, I found myself sitting near a different salon. I sat there, in my usual thinking position, contemplating whether I should get it all chopped to a buzz cut. It was something that has been in my head since Jimmy Hopkins wore it in Bully. It’s a computer game. That makes the thought almost five to six years old. I felt scared. Scared of change, of opinion, of jokes, of how embarrassed people will try to make me feel and so much more. It was nothing special, just the usual feeling of conflict someone might feel if they decided to, for example, change their car. A car they’ve owned for over sixteen years. About twenty seconds later, I walked in. I came out with almost no hair on my head. A clear divergence from the long-ish hair I had grown throughout November.
One word: Mixed. Some people were brutal, some laughed, some appreciated it, some thought it was Photoshop etcetera. I learned a few lessons though.
Firstly, opinions are just opinions and till we are happy with wherever and however we are, nothing will ever affect us. On top of that, if we truly did what we wanted to, we might as well add more jokes to the fire. Secondly, the people around us who act high, mighty and better than us are mostly wimps. They are fine till everyone remains on the status-quo. Change one thing and look at them go on tilt. Thirdly, I realized that we are in control of who we give control over our decisions – both big and small. Lastly, once you change one thing about yourself, you become open to accepting more things. Else, I wouldn’t have worn a winter cap/beanie/skull-cap for the life of me. Hell, I hated them. I love wearing one now and I don’t look half bad.
I know this might sound contradicting to the current posts which are all centered about the goodness in people however, I have realized this in the most brilliant of experiences that the same people who are good to you are assholes to you as well. It only depends on the context, their mood, their own lives and such. That said, I still stand by all people are inherently good if most are still a little meh and disappointing. So, the only key is to live in harmony but keeping almost everyone out of the zone which affects your decisions. What is living if it is done in fear of people and opinion for what is fear if all it takes is just twenty seconds of insane courage, twenty seconds of embarrassing bravery to conquer it?