Birthdays are supposed to be great, right? That’s what the consensus is about this very anniversary and it’s actually correct and yes, they’re great. However, at times, you reach a point where you’re just tired of the shenanigans that come along with your birthday. The usual treats and parties and someone trying to make your day great or everyone making you expect stuff out of it and ultimately, turning your day into a big disappointment because the day couldn’t live up to all the hype everyone created for it.
Last year which also, not-so-coincidentally, happened to be the year of my 18th birthday, I was all for changing the way I perceived things and yes, I was excited about how to make my birthday great and how I could make the most of the day by enjoying with my friends and we did enjoy. It was a house party thing-y where we didn’t do much besides have moments and pizzas. This year is different though, I want a birthday that’s finally about me.
Not just in idea, in practicality, whatever I do on the day after tomorrow – I want it to be by my rules rather than the illusion of it being for me. So, to friends and family (though I doubt they’ll read it here, I’ll be glad if they do though), this birthday, please leave me alone. If I want to lie on the terrace under the sun for 3 hours straight, let me do it. If I don’t want to step out of the house, let me do it. If I don’t want to see any face besides family, let me do it. If all I want to do is read a book while slowly sipping coffee, let me do it. Instead of doing your best to persuade me to accept that it’s a great day for me, let me have a great day.
Instead of telling me how sad birthdays without parties or hangouts are, listen to me and let me have one without them. Let me have one normal day, one single day of peace where the world is not on fire and everything is just fine. No, I don’t want epic. No, I don’t want adventure. I have 364 days for it. This birthday, let it actually be my day instead of somehow showing me a grandiose idea of how great and brilliant it is going to be or how beautiful a group of friends just hanging out can be, let me choose how to spend my day because that choice, that very choice, I stopped getting it since I turned twelve or something.
Call me cynical, but the way I see it, it’s not even your birthday month and people start talking about it. Two weeks in and people start hinting toward treats and parties. One week to go and everyone is already forcing you to have this hangout where everything is going to be so fun and I’m not denying the fact that it is fun but sometimes you don’t want fun, you want mellow. Yes, boring, dull and mellow where all you want to do is sit and relax and finally have a day for you. A day of complete peace.
Instead of the phone ringing all day long and each person saying the same fucking thing and asking the same fucking questions, instead of my Facebook feed being crazily filled with birthday wishes from people who don’t even look at my name while doing their birthday ritual which is now set in perfect clockwork, instead of friends asking me to meet them even though I’ve made a hundred thousand excuses, instead of an ex-girlfriend who apparently has the world-view that there exists no sorts of fun and life outside of partying and getting high telling me how sad it is to want a mellow birthday, instead of teaching me how to spend a birthday, instead of doing the formality of wishing me, instead of me trying to please everyone who’s trying to make my day epic, instead of all the forces in the universe trying their best and taking the most desperate measures to make me feel that 24th October 2015 is, in fact, my day – instead of all that, please let it actually be my day…
…and maybe next year, I’ll come around and think about celebrating it again.