Learning through experience and error

Understanding Myself 4 – From Randomness To Determinism

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(This article isn’t about the scientific randomness or determinism.)

Understanding Myself 4 - From Randomness To Determinism

Beliefs are important for human existence. We act as we believe. Now the theory of determinism and the randomness theory are very deep aspects which I won’t get into with this post what I want to convey here is that all of us fall either in the group of everything is random or everything happens for a reason which is basically what Randomness vs Determinism is. The underlying concepts are deep yet we all live by one of the above beliefs and here I would want to talk about my jump from Randomness to Determinism with this I would also go into the habit that troubles people around me the most – Me trying to define everything, even the people around me.

Childhood was carefree and so was the middle-school days. I was a firm believer of randomness and I believed that nothing relates and that whatever happens, happens just for the sake of happening. I also thought that nothing I do would affect me or anyone else and nothing they do would affect me. Yes, family was one thing but outside it, there was no relation between the people and events around me and myself. Life was easy, as it always have been for children but then just when I was about to reach middle school the bullying episodes began. I was weak thanks to my body which took a little time to sprout out and thus I had no choice but to get bullied. I had an elder brother in school and I had friends but I couldn’t ask them for help. They’d come for help once, twice but those guys won’t stop anyway and thus I decided to handle things on my own. Thing is, I couldn’t handle it and by the time I learnt to use my mouth; the sarcasm, the mean jokes, things left their mark. Yes, I escaped the bullying but well, things changed. Simultaneously, things were going haywire in the crush department because well, I had just become a teen ergo the random crushes, the things you do chasing them; all of it leaves marks on your conscience that you can’t erase.

If only I wasn’t a believer of randomness, I’d have thought about everything I did or said. Senior school was the age of determinism. I thought and I did and I learned, a lot. I learned what to say, when to say, how to drive conversations, how to get what I want while also learning the good aspects, how to care genuinely and show it, how to not say rude things and the last 3-4 years have basically been Think What You Do 101 for me. The sarcasm amplified thus gaining the status of language besides Hindi and English on my Facebook. Then came this awesome habit where I tried to define people, a habit I’ve before mentioned on this blog, a habit I have now decreased yet now and then I repeat it. I like to study people and what they do. It’s easy to see now that people manipulate and act because our society is frail and it’s based upon face value at least schools, colleges and work places are. A teacher knows that a student is smothering him, yet he accepts the butter and even churns it further. A friend told me a few days back, “You know what, you try to define everything, try to put all of us into boxes and collections because you’re frustrated inside.” and I smiled and said, “No, (Things happened and yes, I can define you because it’s easy and less frustrating to figure everyone out) I am not frustrated.”

Honestly, I am not but I like the idea that everything has to make sense. Everything should make sense because if it doesn’t then what is there to say for the suffering and pains of so many people? Why do people act differently? Why was I bullied? It should make sense. It does make sense. Everything determines everything that happens next. It is all a collision course and a certain experience in the last few months clearly proves this to me unfortunately, that experience is for some other post, someday.

About the author

Deepansh Khurana

I write code by day and prose by night. I'd say I love coffee but don't we all? I find stories, people and experiences. I blog about them.

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By Deepansh Khurana
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There are three kinds of blog posts here as of mid-2019 – The Journal, The Words and The Nudge.

The Journals are thoughts, lessons, events that unfold in my life word-for-word and as barebones as I can put them out there.

The Words are creative pieces, narratives, short-stories that take from my life but did not happen word-for-word.

The Nudge has self-help articles that try to be less proud and self-righteous. They end in the nudge, which is a shareable takeaway that summarises the entire idea.

You can read more about this change here and here.

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Deepansh Khurana

I write code by day and prose by night. I'd say I love coffee but don't we all? I find stories, people and experiences. I blog about them.

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